


next to somebody new (don't wanna ever wake up)

by heartbreakordeath



Series: wwcomms, soundtracked by hdyfn? [2]
Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dick and Ed are also characters but I'm not tagging them bc reasons, M/M, WWCOMMS | Wild World Communications (Bastille), also ralph & charlie but they're just mentioned in this one so, as usual i have No Idea how to tag this, idk it just feels Weird yknow, if anyone can find all the lyrical references i stuffed in this i'll give u a giant virtual hug, no beta we die like wwcomms agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 21:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30061707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartbreakordeath/pseuds/heartbreakordeath
Summary: When Dan wakes up again, Kyle’s gone.(title from somebody new by joywave)
Relationships: Kyle Simmons/Dan Smith
Series: wwcomms, soundtracked by hdyfn? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2196414
Comments: 13
Kudos: 16





	next to somebody new (don't wanna ever wake up)

**Author's Note:**

> just couldn't keep myself away from this 'verse, could I? hope you like this one :)

When Dan wakes up again, Kyle’s gone.

He’s still _there_ , of course, spread out on his stomach like always, and causing Dan to shift carefully around him to avoid being squished against the wall. His back is rising slightly with every measured breath, his head turned the other direction, but Dan just _knows_.

Hope is a fickle thing, though, and for a brief moment he clings onto it as hard as he can.

“Kyle?”

It takes no time at all for the events of last night to filter back into his brain, as sleep-deprived as it may be. Kyle, shaking Dan awake in the early hours of the morning, eyes as brown as the hair falling into his face. Kyle, holding onto him like he never wanted to let go again. Kyle, telling him he—

He hadn’t meant to fall back asleep again, and honestly wasn’t sure how he’d even managed it. Kyle had been...not awake, really, more like sleep-talking with his eyes open; and after his heaving sobs subsided, he’d rolled off of Dan with a sigh and was snoring again within a minute.

Dan, on the other hand…

Now, Kyle shifts, stretching out his long limbs methodically, and Dan’s heart explodes into even tinier pieces. He says his name again, quietly, as Kyle sits up and throws his legs over the side of the bed.

He can _sense_ it more than anything. It’s in the way he moves— jerkily, as if he’s forgotten how exactly to behave like a human being. It’s in the way he holds himself, his back just slightly too straight as he perches on the edge of the tiny bed.

He doesn’t need to wait until Kyle turns his head towards him, eyes clouded over with an unsettling dullness, to know that his best friend has left him yet again.

* * *

Dick’s waiting for him when he reaches the top of the stairs. He greets Dan with a nod and holds the door to his office open for the both of them without a word. Dan nods back and sits down in front of the polished desk, the deep-seated dread only increasing as the door clicks shut and Dick rounds the desk to sit down across from him.

“Well?”

“He’s…” Dan clears his throat, focusing on the battered container of ballpoint pens in front of him. “Something’s happening. I think it’s good news.”

“You think?”

“I— I don’t know. It’s scaring me, Dick.” Dan’s eyes flick up to meet his supervisor’s, and he takes a shaky breath. “I don’t know what else to do.”

Dick nods again, slowly, and leans back in his chair. He squints his eyes at Dan, thinking, and Dan shifts uncomfortably.

  
“I’m suspending you from all active operations,” he announces suddenly. “Until further notice, effective immediately.”

“What?” Dan sits straight up in his seat, heart pounding. “No. _No_. You need me.”

“I need an agent who’s level-headed, Dan. You’re...compromised. I cannot, in good conscience, let you go back out there. Not until things change with Simmons.”

“ _Compromised_ ? He’s my best friend, sir, of course I fu— of course I _care_ about him! Of course I’m worried about his recovery. But that doesn’t mean I-I'm _unfit for duty_ , or anything. All due respect, you can’t just—”

“I can, actually, and I’ve decided it would be in the best interest for all of us here.”

“Please, you can’t— what about my _team_ —“

“Were you aware that Mr. Pelleymounter has requested the formation of his own team?”

“Wha— _Ralph_? Why?”

“You two have grown close since you began working together, haven’t you?” He pauses, raising his eyebrows, and Dan grips the armrest of the chair tightly. “He believes he’s reached the point where he can no longer trust himself to stay out of harm’s way, if your life was ever on the line.”

“He’s the closest friend I have besides…”

“Would you, or would you not, put yourself in harm’s way for him?”

“Of course I would, isn’t that the whole _point_ of being on a team? We’re family.”

“I understand. But you also must understand that your...closeness with Simmons makes you a liability, as much as you might hate to admit it. We cannot afford to risk that out there. We’ve already lost too much.”

Dan blinks, frozen to his chair, mouth open in shock. He watches Dick shake his head and reach for the framed photo on his desk.

“I know we have,” he replies, voice taut with frustration. 

“Then you understand why I have to do this.” The older man runs a finger along the outside of the frame, eyes fixed on the photo inside. “You _know_ I would rather have you out there.”

“Then _let me go_.”

The photo drops to the desk with a clatter, and Dick rises from his seat, hands planted firmly on the desk. 

“You know why I can’t. Or would you rather I spell it out for you?”

He meets Dan’s eyes, blazing blue with barely-controlled emotion, and gestures towards the door. “I expect you’ll use this time wisely, Smith. I’ll be checking your weekly updates myself from now on.”

“Thank you, sir,” Dan manages through gritted teeth. He forces his hands to unclench from balled fists in his lap, and leaves Dick’s office without another word. 

* * *

His crew, as expected, are furious when they find out. It’s been too long since any of them have been on a proper mission, especially after the failed venture that cost them Kyle, and now...there’s only so much training and preparing and waiting that can be done at the base before an agent starts getting restless. 

But Dan had been right about one thing: they’re family. They wouldn’t leave his side in battle, and they won’t now. 

Once he gets over the surprise, Dan isn’t particularly angry with Ralph, to the other man’s relief. It was about time that he got the chance to be the leader he was meant to be, and Dan tells him so. 

So then, of course, the only thing left to do is find out what the hell to do with Kyle. 

As much as Dan would love to pretend things are better, or different, they’re not. His best friend still ignores him for most hours of the day, nose buried in one of the books nicked from the library months ago and kept hidden in a box under the bunks. Dan still means to return them someday...maybe.

Kyle asks him which ones used to be his favorites, before. Dan shrugs and digs through the small collection, feeling hopeless as he tosses a battered copy of _True Grit_ onto the mattress.

“Charlie always begged everyone to read this one. Don’t remember if you ever did.”

Kyle shrugs and leans forward, his stare blank as always but at least having the decency to look vaguely interested. “I don’t remember the last time I read a book.”

Dan forces himself to swallow down the words that threaten to spill out of him and says, “I know. Just means you’ve got a bit more catching up to do, then.” He claps a hand on Kyle’s shoulder for a moment and pushes the book into his hand. “Not like either of us have anything better to do. Read up.”

So Kyle does. Dan finds _True Grit_ on his cluttered desk the next morning, along with three or four other books plucked from the bin under the bed. Every time he sees his friend for the next week, he’s got a different book in hand, scanning the pages methodically as if he can absorb more words just by staring at them harder. 

It means he’s _trying_ , Dan realizes eventually. Trying to remember everything, to come back, to become Kyle Simmons again. To become Dan’s best friend again. 

* * *

Not everything is as easy as reading a book, though. 

“I don’t actually like puzzles, do I?”

Dan squeezes his eyes shut. “No. You— you put it on the Retuning list because we were joking. You said it was the only way you’d ever do one with me, because- because I kept asking you to.”

He can feel Kyle’s icy stare on him without even needing to open his own eyes. He clears his throat and looks down at the puzzle pieces on the floor. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

Dan flinches as a hand lands on his shoulder. It’s not _right_ , exactly, the way it moves, the way it’s just slightly too firm— but he tries his best to pretend it’s familiar to him. 

“It’s okay. I wish— I wish I remembered, Dan.” Dan glances up, frowning, and meets Kyle’s eyes. There’s been a persistent splotch of brown in one of his eyes recently, and though it doesn’t really mean anything in terms of recovery, Dan finds himself staring at it. “I _want_ to remember.”

“But we can never go back,” Dan whispers automatically. “It’ll never be the same as it was.” Kyle shakes his head before he even finishes speaking, and grips Dan’s shoulder tighter. 

“Don’t. You sound just like them when you recite things like that.”

Dan’s face falls, and he goes back to his task of picking up the scattered pieces of the puzzle. It’s one he brought to the base himself, among all his other worldly possessions. There isn’t as much downtime here as expected, so it’s still in reasonably good condition. If they ever finished it, it would be a skyline of London, a photo taken just a few years before everything went to hell. 

Before he can grab the nearest corner piece, though, Kyle picks it up from the floor and slots it carefully into place alongside a side piece. Dan shifts his newly-freed shoulder and watches him sort through the pile for the other corner pieces. 

“Maybe this Kyle can like puzzles,” Kyle says slowly, after a moment. “Or at least, doing them with you.” He meets Dan’s eyes, more hesitantly this time, and Dan can’t help but give him a soft smile. 

“Okay,” he says. “Okay.”

* * *

“You don’t remember, do you? Any of it?”

They’re on the floor again, leaning against the side of Kyle’s bunk. Dan’s clunky old keyboard sits over their legs, tinny speakers buzzing slightly with every note Dan plays. 

“I’m sorry,” Kyle answers, and it sounds sincere. Dan sighs and places his hands on the keys again. He plays a few chords halfheartedly, losing his rhythm when Kyle’s hands join him higher up on the keyboard. He pauses and watches as Kyle forms the shame of an E minor, a C, a D, automatically continuing the pattern with an added A minor. He frowns, confused by his own actions, and Dan can’t help but let out a breathy laugh. 

“Looks like your muscle memory survived after all, then.” He plays the chords himself, this time humming along. “[We wrote this one together](https://youtu.be/HAGVJBKeOhc), you know. About— about Soph.”

“She’s the one from the photos, isn’t she?”

Dan nods, eyes suddenly burning with unshed tears as he stares at the keyboard. “Yeah.”

Kyle falls silent for a while, thinking. He plays the chords a few more times, slowly, and says suddenly: “Were you in love with her?”

“What?” Dan jumps, catching his end of the keyboard before it can slide off his lap. “Uh, no. No, I wasn’t.” He blinks the tears away and clears his throat. “I loved her in a way, of course. She was like a sister to me. To all of us.”

“Like I was?” Dan winces and reaches forward to turn the keyboard off. 

“I think— I think that’s enough for today, don’t you?” He gingerly pulls his legs free and gets up to stretch. “It’s getting late.”

He can feel Kyle’s eyes on him, burning into his back as he walks away, but he can’t find the courage to turn around. If he did, Kyle would see his face, and then he would know far more than Dan ever needed him to know. 

* * *

A week later, the peace is broken once more when Ed relapses unexpectedly. It’s Dan’s turn, then, to pull a shaking Charlie away from his best friend as the man is escorted back to the hospital wing, shouting memorized phrases and struggling futilely against the two workers who have him by the arms. 

For the next six days, Charlie’s alone again in his room, pacing the short length of it anxiously as if it’ll help his friend recover any faster. 

(That is, when the workers kick him out of the med wing at the end of visiting hours.)

Dan puts his life on pause for those days, as Charlie stops remembering to eat proper food again and Woody starts getting nervous that Will could be ready to break again, too. 

He focuses on Charlie, bringing him an extra apple or bowl of cereal from the cafeteria, taking him to extra training sessions to keep Charlie’s mind off things. To keep both of their minds off things. 

On the third day, Dan walks into his bedroom after an hour of training, desperate for a shower, and finds the room empty. 

“Kyle?” He says, as if his gangly, six-foot-something tall friend would somehow step out of the tiny glorified-cupboard-closet and say hello. 

He whirls around, heart pounding, thinking only the worst, when he spots Woody coming around the corner. 

“Wood!” He calls, rushing towards his friend. “ _Please_ tell me you’ve seen Kyle.”

“I was just coming to find you.” Woody, unlike Dan, seems strangely calm as he waves him down the hall. “You’ve gotta see this.”

Dan trails behind him as they walk the short distance to Will’s room. Woody’s moved out by now, of course, but they’re all still keeping a close eye on their friend these days. 

He doesn’t relax until Woody knocks on the door, and Will opens it with an uncharacteristic smile on his face. 

“You finally made it,” he greets Dan, gesturing for him to come in. “We’ve been waiting. No, wait, that sounds ominous—“ 

But Dan’s already slipped past him into the small quarters, eyes going straight to Kyle. Woody mutters something like _when is he_ ** _not_** _late, Will_ , but it feels muted beneath the pounding of the heart in his ears, like he’s the main character in some cheesy fucking romcom.

Will’s beat-up guitar sits on the bed, Kyle sitting sprawled beneath it on the floor. He doesn’t seem to acknowledge the change in the room, keeping his head tilted down towards the floor. Dan lets his hopes linger in the space between them, just for a moment, until Will clears his throat and Kyle’s familiar ( _when did they become familiar?_ ) white eyes finally meet his.

He’s been crying again. The parallel milky lines down his cheeks are evidence enough, if the loaded silence in the room wasn’t a dead giveaway in the first place. Like last time, there’s a bit more brown showing through in his eyes, looking black as night as they flit from Dan to Will and back to Dan.

“Hi,” Dan says, quietly. Carefully. Vaguely, he registers movement on the other side of the room, and the sound of a needle scratching gently against well-worn vinyl.

Kyle flinches at the sound, eyes going cold and guarded in a split second. “Don’t.”

But Woody just steps away, still holding the taped-up paper sleeve in one hand, and swallows heavily. “It’s okay, Kyle.”

“ _No_ ,” Kyle says, more forcefully this time. “Stop.” He looks back to Dan, drawing his long legs back towards his torso. “Make him stop,” he pleads. 

Dan’s next breath sticks in his throat. He risks a glance at Woody, who shakes his head and puts the vinyl sleeve down on the desk with a sigh. His heart sinks as he turns back to Kyle, pulse pounding in trepidation.

“I can’t.” 

Dan’s voice cracks over the words as the first notes of the vinyl crackle to life. [He recognizes it immediately](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nW5AF0m9Zw), eyes fixated on the turntable. He barely even registers Will and Woody slipping out of the room, leaving him alone with Kyle. 

Kyle, whose eyes drop closed again at the sound. Kyle, who starts humming along after a moment.

_He remembers._

Slowly, hesitantly, Dan lowers himself down until he’s sitting next to Kyle, drawing his legs up to mirror his position on the floor. 

“You don’t have to sit on the floor, you know,” Dan can’t help muttering as he shifts on the thin rug. “That’s why we have chairs. Or a bed, I’m not picky.”

“I don’t think the two of us in a bed is a good idea.”

“What?” Dan flinches and pulls his legs in even closer. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Maybe it is. I’m not sure anymore.” Kyle’s head drops to his knees, and Dan can hear him humming to the music again. He leans his head back, against the mattress, and they’re both silent for a minute. 

“You help me remember,” Kyle says, muffled by his pant legs. “But sometimes I don’t know whether that’s something I want to remember again. Whether that’s someone I want to be again.”

Dan sucks in a breath, and jumps off the diving board right into the deep end. “Do you remember what you said that night?”

In the silence, the last of the song plays out. _Being as in love with you as I am…being as in love with you as I am…_

“Yes.”

_...being as in love, love, love…_

“You never told me. Not before, at least.”

“I figured that.”

“Just like I never told you.”

“Never told me what?” Kyle’s looking right at Dan now, or at least at the exposed length of his neck, and the silhouette of his face as he stares up at the ceiling. 

“The fuck do you think?”

“Why?”

“Why?” Dan repeats, turning his head ever-so-slightly towards Kyle. “Because _you_ never said anything.”

Kyle squeezes his eyes shut for a second, forcing fresh white tears to follow the dried tracks on his face. 

“It hurts,” he whispers as the next song starts playing in the corner of the room. “It hurts to remember that. Some part of me doesn’t want to remember, because then it wouldn’t hurt so much.”

“That’s what they do to you,” Dan chokes out. “At that place. They look inside you, they know who you care about, they know who you—” He clears his throat, takes a steadying breath. “It’s why we lost Soph in the first place.”

Kyle sniffs and straightens his legs out on the floor.

“She was in love, and it broke her, Kyle. It broke her, and she could never come back to us. That’s— that’s why I never said anything. To you, I mean.”

“But you didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what?”

“That it didn’t matter. That I would love you anyways.”

“That you would—” Dan sputters, head rising off the bed to stare at Kyle incredulously. Kyle shakes his head. 

“You don’t have to act like this is brand new information, Dan.”

“We can’t do this,” Dan whispers, running a hand through his hair.

“Can’t?” Kyle presses, “Or shouldn't?”

Dan turns, and suddenly finds his friend much closer than before. “Kyle…”

The words die in his throat as Kyle reaches up and places a hand gently on his cheek. Dan leans into the touch instinctively, eyes fluttering shut as Kyle finally, _finally_ pulls his face towards his. 

“I love you,” Dan says in a hushed whisper a few minutes later. He repeats it again, louder, more confidently. “I’ve always loved you.”

“I think I did, too.” Their foreheads are pressed together, so close they’re virtually breathing the same air, and Dan has to keep fighting the urge to just lean back in again and again and— he doesn’t really have to fight it anymore, though, does he? 

(So he doesn’t.)

“You’re right, though,” Kyle gets out between breaths. “It won’t be the same as before.”

“Shut up,” Dan murmurs, wrapping an arm around him. “I don’t care. It’s still you.”

* * *

Eventually, they pick themselves up off the floor and find their way back to their own room. Kyle doesn’t even ask before he’s dragging Dan down into the bottom bunk, barely stopping to untie his shoes or shut off the light. 

And Dan finally, for once in his goddamn life, lets himself fall. He lets himself pull Kyle closer and closer and closer, lets himself fall into the night with him; lets himself wake up in the morning, content, next to somebody new. 

**Author's Note:**

> ngl i was looking for another version of things we lost but i couldn't find it :( [this was another one i was considering](https://youtu.be/C7rDuqXc6kg) or [this one bc BABIES](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odRdQ-jVeOI) but it's not a full video so


End file.
